So I decided to have an abortion. I made all the arrangements in a kind of a haze, told my family lies about having to go to London for work and set off on my own early one morning.

In a strange way, I sort of believed that something would happen to stop me, that by some miracle Paul or my parents would find out, say they’d support me and everything would be alright. But the nearer I got to my B&B, the more I realised that this was not going to happen, I was on my own. At the clinic I filled in the forms and waited to see a counsellor. The place was fine and the people were caring, but it was as if I was kind of detached from my feelings.

Then, when I saw the counsellor, I started to get a lump in my throat. She was kind to me and tried to help me to relax, but I just wanted to get the meeting over with. I told her that I was sure that I couldn't continue with the pregnancy, so she arranged for me to come back early the next morning to have the termination.

When I left the clinic, it was such a relief to be out in the fresh air. I went for a walk and tried to think about it. Is this really what I wanted, was there no other way to go? I thought for a long time when sitting in the park. The sun was shining, but I felt cold inside. I wondered if I had an abortion how would I feel, would I feel sad, guilty even about the baby, about what I was doing?

I began to think for the first time about what it would actually be like to have my own little baby. Maybe I would be happier in the end if I had the child. Or maybe adoption was a possibility. I just knew that I couldn't bring myself to set foot inside that clinic again.

So I decided to cancel the operation and go home and find another way. For the first few days, I felt quite relieved, which is funny, because I had thought that the abortion was the only thing that would make me feel that way. Then I started to feel a bit anxious again. While looking though a magazine one day, I saw a story about CURA and how they helped women with crisis pregnancies. I decided this meant me and I rang for an appointment.

My counsellor, Anne, was great. When I went into see her I was very nervous but when I came out again I was concentrating on me and finding a way forward for me and the baby. I felt that at least now I had a base from which to work.

With Anne's help, I felt that I could summon up the courage to tell my boyfriend and family about the baby. That is the point I am at now, and even though I still feel a little bit nervous and panic-stricken, I know that with my counsellor's help and support from Paul and my family, I will be able to face whatever comes.